Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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