I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
