I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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