Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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