if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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