If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
