it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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