so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
