I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
