It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
