Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
