Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The air taste purple.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
