it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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