He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
