Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
