Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
