yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
