btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize