at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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