you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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