Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
