Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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