ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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