I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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