My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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