Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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