My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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