i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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