apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
