Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
