She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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