life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
