My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
