i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
