my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
