It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
