Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
