I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize