I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
