We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize