I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
