He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
