Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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