omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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