I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
