Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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