summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
