After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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