you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
