What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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