so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
