Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
