my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The struggles of a small town man whore
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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