Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
