Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize