Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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