I'm so fucking centered right now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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