We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
