Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize