Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
