Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize