I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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