She is in my trunk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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