So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
