When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize