I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize