I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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