He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
