will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
