Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
