If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
