he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
