I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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