uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
