You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
