Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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