We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
