I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
