She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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