So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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