tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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