So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
