We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
