Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize