Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
