Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
