girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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