can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
