You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
